Script
WANDER
by Rob Kramer
wandertheplay@gmail.com
wandertheplay.com
Cast of Characters
Each character can be played by any gender (except for Mr. and Mrs. Earth). The four named students are listed in order of their disappearance. In the script they are randomly assigned a boys or girls name but the play works with any combination.
MR. EARTH, middle-aged
MRS. EARTH, middle-aged; she will also play MOTHER B, C and D
ALEX/AVA, quiet and serious, the only child of Mr. and Mrs. Earth
BRYCE/BROOKE, well intentioned political goals but making little progress
CARTER/CHLOE, takes nothing seriously, a poor student with no plans for the future
DYLAN/DELANEY, studious, knows everything about the solar system, uncaring
TEACHER, dismissive; will also play SUNNY, owner of the eponymous yogurt shop
STUDENT/SATELLITE 1 (ST 1), inclusive student, upbeat and proud as a satellite
STUDENT/SATELLITE 2 (ST 2), quietly follows ST 1 - until the very end
STUDENT/SATELLITE 3 (ST 3), makes occasional comments
STUDENT/SATELLITE 4 (ST 4), unpleasant student, does not want to be a satellite
MERCURY, hyperactive, never stops moving
VENUS, very sad
MARS, lotta attitude, wears something red
JUPITER, self promoter
SATURN, love letter writer
URANUS, proud of being the seventh planet
NEPTUNE, desperately hoping for a visitor, wears something blue
Place - your townTime - present, school day morning
Production Notes
The four students always enter stage right and exit stage left, unless they exit with a planet. The scenes with Venus and Mars are particularly good to demonstrate the leftward movement of the students as they wander past the right moving planets.
The only scene which requires a set is Sunny’s. A dark background, possibly with stars, would work well for all the other scenes. See the website for an example of the set for SUNNY’s and how it could be used for the background for the remainder of the play.
Five of the planets sing songs that are obvious parodies of hit songs from previous decades. Go to the website to hear how they might sound. For more on the fair use of these melodies as well as the science and math of WANDER, see the appendix. The other rhymes are not associated with any song. Perhaps Dr. Kramer’s rhymes remind you more of Dr. Seuss than Dr. Dre. Regardless, feel free to say them in any manner you like.
Author’s Note
WANDER is a play about four students who search for the planets and find themselves. It is the only play that is science based—almost two hundred solar system facts—yet the story remains relevant for those without an interest in astronomy. It is a two act play that is over an hour and a half long. There is a cast of eighteen that has almost complete gender flexibility and a dozen characters that have a stand out opportunity. There is one simple set and a few props. Any K-12 educational institution is free to use the play (I just ask to be contacted) and alter it in any way deemed necessary
1.
ACT I
Scene 1 - MORNING MOODS part A
SETTING: The theater is dark
AT RISE: Edvard Grieg’s well known MORNING MOOD is played (it is in the public domain)
The first sequence of twenty-two notes (about nine seconds) is heard and then repeated. During the second sequence, Mr. Earth abruptly interrupts as the spotlight is on him and the music is turned off. Mr. Earth enters from the rear or side of the theater and walks the aisle as he speaks. He is loud, bold and confident. Perhaps he holds a giant inflatable globe or drags a large weighted-down globe. If so, maybe he seeks some brief help with it from an audience member. He addresses them directly, seeking interaction with them. The spotlight on him expands as he progresses to the front of the stage but the stage itself is not lit until the last few lines.
MR. EARTH
I JUST LOVE THIS DAY, IT’S MY FAVORITE ONE
TODAY WE’RE ALL EQUAL UNDER THE SUN
WELL…THERE’S ACTUALLY ONE OTHER DAY JUST AS NICE
YOU SEE EACH YEAR WE GET THIS DAY TWICE
TODAY ALL THE EARTH HAS TWELVE HOURS OF NIGHT
WHICH LEAVES EACH OF US TWELVE HOURS OF LIGHT
EQUAL NIGHTS, THAT’S WHY IT’S CALLED THE EQUINOX
EQUAL LIGHT, GUESS YOU COULD CALL IT THE EQUILUX
OH, I SHOULD INTRODUCE MYSELF-MR. EARTH, PLEASED TO MEET YOU
IT’S MY JOB TO KEEP THE PLANET MOVING..HOW DO YOU DO?
IT’S A LOT OF HARD WORK, BUT I HAVE HELP…GOOD MORNING TO YOU
MRS. EARTH AND I KEEP ALL OF US IN ORBIT, JUST US TWO
2.
MR. EARTH(cont.)
DO I HEAR A THANK YOU?
I MEAN, OUR EARTH WEIGHS THIRTEEN TRILLION TRILLION POUNDS
WHO DO YOU THINK KEEPS IT GOING AROUND?
AND WE DO THAT FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR
THAT’S GOT TO BE…(doing mental math)...JUST A MINUTE HERE
WHOA, SOMEONE GET ME A PEDOMETER
THAT’S ALMOST A BILLION KILOMETERS!
AND WE’RE MOVING AT SIXTY-SEVEN THOUSAND MILES AN HOUR
AND WE DO ALL THIS WHILE LEANING OVER (demonstrates 23 degree lean)
AND THEN THIS TWENTY-THREE DEGREE TILTED WORLD
EVERY DAY IT NEEDS TO BE TWIRLED
THREE HUNDRED SIXTY-FIVE TIMES EACH YEAR
I FORGET…IS THIS A LEAP YEAR? (gets help from audience)
SO YES, 365 TIMES THIS YEAR/ (or) / OKAY, SO IT’S 366 TIMES THIS YEAR
IT’S A LOT OF WORK BUT IT’S GOT TO BE DONE
SO EACH PART OF EARTH GETS TO SEE THE SUN
AND THE SEASONS CHANGE AND NIGHT BECOMES DAY
AS I TURN THIS WORLD IN A COUNTERCLOCKWISE WAY
THAT IS OF COURSE IF YOU LOOK DOWN ON MY HEAD
BUT IT’S CLOCKWISE IF YOU LOOK FROM BELOW INSTEAD
AND THEN TWICE A YEAR I HIT THAT SWEET SPOT
IS IT VERNAL? AUTUMNAL? IT MATTERS NOT
SUNLIGHT EQUALITY IS THE THEME OF THIS DAY
AND TWELVE HOURS OF DARKNESS, THE EQUINOX WAY
WHETHER POLAR, TROPICAL OR TEMPERATE ZONE
WE’RE ALL THE SAME, NO MATTER WHERE’S YOUR HOME
THIS WONDERFUL WORLD THAT WE HAVE ALL GOT
DEPENDS ON JUST THE RIGHT SUN ON EACH LITTLE SPOT
3.
MR. EARTH(cont.)
AND IT’S MRS. EARTH AND I THAT KEEP UP THIS FIGHT
SO MUCH ON THIS PLANET THAT NEEDS HEAT AND LIGHT
THERE’S CRUST, MANTLE AND A CORE, A
GIANT MAGNET THAT GIVES US AURORA
WE’VE GOT JUNGLES, GLACIERS, MOUNTAINS, PLAINS
OCEANS, DESERTS AND HURRICANES
FORESTS, VALLEYS, HILLS, VOLCANOES
ICE CAPS, WIND, RAIN AND TORNADOES
THERE ARE PRAIRIES, STREAMS, PLATEAUS, LAKES
RIVERS, CLOUDS, SNOW AND EARTHQUAKES
(trips and falls down at that word, quickly gets up)
OH, SORRY…DON’T WORRY, THAT ONE WAS JUST A LITTLE BIT
YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T EVEN FEEL IT
GOT TO KEEP THEM HEATED JUST SO
NOT TOO WARM AND NOT TOO COLD
GOT TO HAVE THINGS ILLUMINATED
LIVING THINGS NEED LIGHT TO LIVE
ULTRAVIOLET IRRADIATED
INFRARED AND ROY G BIV
WE’VE GOT SO MANY THINGS WE NEED TO CARE FOR
THAT’S THE REASON WE ALL ARE HERE FOR
WE WORK HARD TO BRING YOU HEATING AND LIGHTING, FOR
WHAT HAVE WE GOT? A WORLD WORTH FIGHTING-
(at this point Mr. Earth has gotten up on stage which is now lit, and at the last word turns to see Mrs. Earth sitting at a table, stage left. She is slumped over, head resting on the table. There is a garbage can and a recycling bin and perhaps large head shots of the planet actors in the background)
4.
MR. EARTH(cont.)
FOR- goodness sakes! Mother…dear…are you okay?
MRS. EARTH
I’m still sick. I just can’t go, you’re going to have to do the next twelve hours.
MR. EARTH
Okay, but I’ll be exhausted when I get back. Who will take the Moon out?"
MRS. EARTH
Alex will have to do it.
MR. EARTH
But he didn’t do it yesterday - and where is Alex? Doesn’t he have school today?
MRS. EARTH
He should be down in a minute. Have a nice day dear.
MR. EARTH
(starts to exit stage left)
I just LOVE this day (sarcastically)
ALEX
(enters stage right)
Good morning Mom…why so sad? Where’s Dad?
MRS. EARTH
He’s covering for me. I don’t have any energy.
ALEX
Then who will take the Moon out tonight?
5.
MRS. EARTH
That will be your job when Dad turns off the light.
ALEX
But I was hoping to go to school tonight. There’s a meeting about applying to college… so I thought I might…
MRS. EARTH
No, you absolutely have to be home by sunset. If you’re not here, Dad will be upset.
ALEX
Okay Mom, I’ll be here.
MRS. EARTH
Thank you dear.
ALEX
I told Bryce I would pick him up so I’m going to run.
MRS. EARTH
Alex, did you get your morning chores done?
ALEX
Umm… yeah (he didn’t really, makes grimacing face to audience)
MRS. EARTH
I really appreciate the extra work you’re starting to do. Dad and I are so proud of you.
(ALEX acknowledges and runs off stage left)
6.
MRS. EARTH(cont.)
ALEX, I love you(MRS. EARTH calls out as ALEX is now gone. She watches and after a few seconds ALEX runs back and give her a big hug)
ALEX
I love you too.(exits left)
BLACKOUT
(The following three scenes all have the same table and chairs stage left. Remove garbage can and recycling bin and any photos. MRS. EARTH actress will be playing each student’s mother in the remaining MORNING MOODS scenes. She needs to make very rapid costume changes as well as try to make each character appear and sound unique. In each case she is warm, caring and supportive of her child. Consider having MRS. EARTH in a bathrobe, large slippers and a sleeping cap. These can be quickly taken off at BLACKOUT so that she enters wearing professional dress as Bryce’s mother, as well as having her hair up in a bun and wearing glasses.)
7.
ACT I
Scene 2 - MORNING MOODS part B
SETTING: BRYCE is seated at the table
AT RISE: MOTHER BRYCE enters left, she is in a rush
MOTHER BRYCE
Bryce, I have to go. I just got an email from your father, he won’t be coming home today. He needs more photos for his National Geographic shoot. I’ve got an important vote at the Capitol today so I won’t be home until tomorrow.
BRYCE
So what will I have for dinner?
MOTHER BRYCE
There are leftovers in the fridge.
BRYCE
But who’s going to eat with me? I don’t want to come home to an empty house.
MOTHER BRYCE
Bryce, you’re in high school. It’s not a big deal, you can do this (gives a big hug). Have a nice day at school.
(MOTHER BRYCE exits left, ALEX enters right)
ALEX
Hey BRYCE, good morning, let’s get going.
BRYCE
Okay, I told CHLOE we’d pick her up.
(Both exit left, BLACKOUT)
8.
ACT I
Scene 3 - MORNING MOODS part C
SETTING: CHLOE is seated at table looking at phone.
AT RISE: MOTHER CHLOE enters left. Her hair is now down, glasses gone,
wears an apron to cover prior scene attire.
MOTHER CHLOE
CHLOE, what are you looking at? Why do you waste your time on those videos?
CHLOE
I don’t know
MOTHER CHLOE
Isn’t there anything you’re interested in?
CHLOE
I don’t know.
MOTHER CHLOE
(puts her arm over CHLOE’S shoulder)
CHLOE, I care about you and I’m worried…you’re not doing well in school.
CHLOE
Sorry Mom, I just don’t know what to do.
(stands up and hugs Mom and gets ready to leave. ALEX and BRYCE enter right)
BRYCE
Hey CHLOE, should we pick up DELANEY?
CHLOE
No, why bother, she’s probably been at school for two hours already.
(ALEX, BRYCE AND CHLOE exit left.
MOM watches with concern.
BLACKOUT
9.
ACT I
Scene 4 - MORNING MOODS part D
SETTING: DELANEY is at table doing school work
AT RISE: MOTHER DELANEY enters left. Another costume change to have her looking distinct from prior Moms
MOTHER DELANEY
What have you got there DELANEY?"
DELANEY
Physics, studying for a big test.
MOTHER DELANEY
I thought that’s in two weeks.
DELANEY
Yep, it is. (never looks up)
MOTHER DELANEY
You know, there are other things to do besides study.
DELANEY
Like what?
MOTHER DELANEY
How about your friends? I notice they haven’t been coming by lately to pick you up
DELANEY
So?
MOTHER DELANEY
Maybe you should make an effort to get together with them.
DELANEY
Gotta go.
10.
MOTHER DELANEY
How about a hug? (DELANEY packs up books and walks right past Mom, exiting left. Mom watches sadly)
BLACKOUT
11.
ACT I
Scene 5 - DISMISSED
SETTING: The stage is empty
AT RISE: ALEX, BRYCE AND CHLOE enter the theater and sit down in front row seats that have been reserved for them. DELANEY and a few of the planets enter from different areas and find seats near the stage. Perhaps some planets and ST 3 and ST 4 have been seated in the audience from the start. Posters can be paraded across the stage with digital times showing the passing of the school day. TEACHER enters stage right at around 3pm and begins to lecture on some obscure topic. CHLOE gets up to leave.
TEACHER
CHLOE, class isn’t over yet
(The bell rings and TEACHER gives up and exits right. CHLOE and seated actors now move to the front and climb up on the stage. DELANEY attempts to climb up but is unable and falls, hitting her head. Dazed, she struggles to get up and walks stage right to use the stairs. She stands alone stage right, rubbing her head. The students break up into three groups, noisily chatting:
ALEX is in the left group with ST 4 and two planets, BRYCE in the middle with ST 3, MARS and another planet and CHLOE in the right with URANUS and two other planets. They quiet down for announcements and then when one group has lines, the others freeze)
OFF STAGE VOICE
Congratulations on finishing another day at (state your school name) A few announcements before dismissal: -Sports teams have their first practice this afternoon.
-Student council meets right after school today.
-Career exploration day is next week. Make sure you’re prepared.
-Your class secretary just transferred to another school. Nominations for a replacement will be taken in the office next week with an election held at the end of the month. (feel free to add any other announcements relevant to your school)
-Have a nice day everyone
12.
(ST 1 and ST 2 enter left and addresses the first group)
ST 1
Hey, I was thinking of going to the mall. Anyone want to go? (other students in group nod agreeably except for ALEX)
ALEX
I have chores to do at home at sunset...so...no.
ST 4
Can’t your brother or sister get them done?
ALEX
That would be nice, but siblings, I don’t have one.
ST 1
Okay, maybe next time. (all the students in the first group move to the next group except for ALEX who remains alone)
ST 1
We’ve got a group going to the mall. Anyone interested?
ST 3
Yeah, sure.
BRYCE
No, there’s a student council meeting I want to go to.
ST 3
But you’re not on council.
ST 4
Yeah, remember you got zero votes when you ran last year.
13.
BRYCE
Well, maybe I could go and take some pictures.(pulls out phone) Is there a place in the room where—
ST 3
—It happens to be no phones allowed, and only council and class officers can attend.
BRYCE
Oh...(dejectedly) then I guess I could run for class secretary.
ST 1
So how about joining us?
BRYCE
No, I’ll pass (BRYCE stays while the enlarging group moves right)
ST 1
Who’s up for the mall?
CHLOE
No, I have practice this afternoon.
ST 4
Didn’t you see? They posted rosters this morning. You didn’t make the team. Well, I guess you won’t be getting an academic or an athletic scholarship (some laugh).
ST 1
Hey, knock it off. CHLOE, you could still go with us. (CHLOE is still stunned and shakes head no. The larger group now moves right to DELANEY.)
ST 1
DELANEY, we’re going to the mall. Want to come?
14.
DELANEY
Well...
ST 4
Oh yeah, you have to study, right?
DELANEY
I’d like to go but...
ST 1
That’s okay. Maybe next time. (The large group exits right, leaving ALEX, BRYCE, CHLOE and DELANEY standing alone across the stage. TEACHER enters left.)
TEACHER
School’s been dismissed. Don’t you kids have someplace you need to be?(continues walking, exiting right)
(ALEX, BRYCE and CHLOE move slowly towards each other, DELANEY remains stage right. The mood is downbeat.)
BRYCE
Anyone want to get something to eat?
CHLOE
Sure.
ALEX
How about frozen yogurt at SUNNY’S? Hey DELANEY, want to go?
(DELANEY nods in agreement, all exit left)
BLACKOUT
15.
ACT I
Scene 6 - SUNNY’S
SETTING: A brightly lit shop with a small stand stage right where
payment is taken and cups handed out.
An enormous round yellow sign on or behind the stand: SUNNY’S FROZEN YOGURT. Helium balloons, or a depiction of some are tied to the sign/stand.
There is a table with four chairs stage right and a recycling bin to the left of the stand and then another table with four chairs to the right. Behind that table are ten yogurt machines. The machines can simply be drawn on a poster, held by the planets and hiding their faces. Alternatively they can be made by putting poster board over a lightweight two foot by six foot wooden frame supported behind by the appropriate planets. Regardless the reverse side of the posters are all black with small white dots to look like outer space. In either case the reverse sides can be used as a background for the remaining scenes. See SET for photos of how they might look.
Each machine has a prominent flavor sign (representing one of the planets) in order right to left: MERINGUE, VANILLA, EVERYBODY’S FAVORITE—DOUBLE CHOCOLATE, MARSHMALLOW. Then a machine labeled: Assorted Sweet Toppings Enjoyed Right On Icy Desserts (Best Eaten Last Thing).
The first eight words are written vertically with the first letter a large capital so it is obvious what they spell out. There are numerous small containers attached to this machine. If Skittles cannot be scooped out from one of the containers, they need to be surreptitiously placed in the cup handed to CHLOE.
Then the machines for JUNIPER, STRAWBERRY, UBE and NECTARINE. Then a machine for PISTACHIO which is clearly not in service. The ASTEROID BELT and PISTACHIO machines can be held by stage hands.________________
16.
AT RISE: SUNNY is busily cleaning the store. The four satellites are seated at
the right table, chatting and eating frozen yogurt .
ST 3
So Jupiter says to Mars “Retrograde, me? You’re the one going retrograde!”(they all laugh heartily except for ST 4)
ST 4
Planets! Bah! Who needs them? They’re so annoying, and always with their rhyming. What’s with that?
ST 1
They feel that it makes them more interesting.
ST 4
(Singing a familiar tune) I’M TIRED OF BEING A MOON I’D RATHER HANG OUT AT THE BARS. I’M SICK OF FOLLOWING JUPITER AND MARS. IN OTHER WORDS-
ST 1
- I like to think of us as satellites.
ST 4
Same dif. It’s a lousy job we have.
ST 1
It’s important work and I’m proud to do it.
ST 4
Well you can-
ST 3
Sshhh! (points to students, who are now laughing and boisterous, entering right. The satellites will watch the rest of the scene)
17.
CHLOE
You know what, I really didn’t want to play for that coach anyway.
BRYCE
I don’t blame you. And it’s good that I didn’t get student council. Now I can go after that class officer position that opened up.
DELANEY
They were right. I actually was going to go home and study.
SUNNY
ALEX, nice to see you, what’s new, what’s up?
ALEX
SUNNY, nice to see you, I’ll have one large cup.
DELANEY
Me too. (goes to pay)
BRYCE
No, I’ve got this. Four large cups please. (pays with phone)
SUNNY
Anything more for you kids?
ALEX
Just four spoons please, no lids. (they go to the machines to get frozen yogurt)
18.
CHLOE
ALEX, what are you going to get?
ALEX
Did you forget? Always chocolate.
CHLOE
How about you BRYCE?
BRYCE
I’m going to have a whole lotta marshmallow.
CHLOE
DELANEY?
DELANEY
I want to try something new, something far out. How about... nectarine? Hey CHLOE, what are you doing?
CHLOE
I’m filling up with Skittles.
DELANEY
You can’t have just Skittles.
CHLOE
Why not? I can fill up with anything I want and I want Skittles.
DELANEY
But it’s a frozen yogurt store. You have to have some frozen yogurt, right?(CHLOE goes to the table and is bumped by DELANEY and spills the cup of Skittles on the floor and table. They look around nervously)
19.
DELANEY (cont.)
Clean up in aisle five! (DELANEY yells, BRYCE and CHLOE laugh, ALEX not amused) (SUNNY cleans up floor but not table, putting Skittles in recycling. While SUNNY intermittently addresses students, they never acknowledge it. SUNNY’S rants—and they are definitely rants—may be directed to the students, the audience or no one. When students speak, SUNNY stays busy cleaning)
SUNNY
KIDS...
THEY THINK THEY’RE SO AMUSING HERE
I’M GONNA BLOW A FUSE IN HERE (points to head)
AND I’LL GO THERMONUCLEAR
IF THEY GET MORE UNRULY...ER (pauses at the realization that the only way to get the rhyme is to be grammatically incorrect)
ALEX
CHLOE, why don’t you try one of the frozen yogurt flavors?
CHLOE
Okay, let’s see, I’ll have...ube! (goes back to machine)
DELANEY
What’s ube?
CHLOE
It’s...purple (with mild disgust)
ALEX
Ube is a tuberous root, it’s a vegetable, not a fruit. (they sit down to eat)
20.
BRYCE
Well when I’m governor, people will be able to fill up their cups with whatever they want at froyo stores.
CHLOE
There’s no chance you’re ever going to be governor.
ALEX
Well, (your state’s) population is x.y million. So you do have a chance, like 1000/x.y in a billion. (insert your state’s population and do the math)
BRYCE
You just watch. I’ll start off small, like class secretary and work my way up. So what are you going to do ALEX?
ALEX
I’m not sure, there are a lot of things I’m thinking about. My parents want me to stay at home and help them out.
BRYCE
Well, like what are you thinking of?
ALEX
Maybe a scientist...an economist...an artist...a psychologist...
BRYCE
What do your parents want you to do?
ALEX
They have a home business they want me to take over. They say it’s in desperate need of a makeover.
BRYCE
And CHLOE?
CHLOE
What?
21.
BRYCE
What are your plans?
CHLOE
For what?
BRYCE
Like for career day, what kind of job do you want to do?
CHLOE
Hmmm, I don’t know. I never really thought about it. What are you going to do DELANEY?
DELANEY
I’m going to be an astronaut and go see all the planets. (This gets SUNNY’S and the satellites immediate attention and they listen closely to the conversation. The yogurt machines briefly lean in but jump back quickly as students notice)
BRYCE
All the way to Pluto?
DELANEY
No, only as far as Neptune. Pluto used to be considered a planet but in two thousand six it was reclassified as a Kuiper belt object.
CHLOE
A what?
DELANEY
Kuiper belt objects orbit the Sun beyond Neptune, there are millions of them. Pluto’s just the largest one.
ALEX
(angry) That wasn’t fair, they had no right to can it. I’ve seen Pluto and it’s a beautiful planet.
CHLOE
How can you see Pluto?
22.
DELANEY
The New Horizons probe reached it in two thousand fifteen and took lots of great photos.
CHLOE
Have all the other planets been explored?
DELANEY
Yes, but we’ve only been out to Neptune once. That was the Voyager 2 probe which was launched in nineteen seventy-seven and reached Neptune in eighty-nine.
(DELANEY holds up two Skittles from table to demonstrate Voyager 2 route to Neptune. BRYCE pulls out phone to take picture but CHLOE grabs some Skittles still on table and throws some at BRYCE. BRYCE fires back as many as possible, never getting picture. DELANEY watches in amusement, ALEX is appalled.)
SUNNY
(returns to clean up floor again)
FOUR LITTLE ONES I CAN’T IGNORE
BOUNCING AROUND IN MY STORE
DON’T HAVE A NEURON IN THEIR CORE (points at CHLOE’s head)
THEIR ENERGY IS ON THE FLOOR
I’LL PUT THE PRESSURE ON ALL FOUR
REALLY IMPROVE MY BALLOON SCORE (points to balloons on sign)
I’LL GET THEM TO WORK SOME MORE
THEN GIVE THEM A SWIFT KICK OUT THE DOOR (Students go back to their froyo and ignore SUNNY who puts Skittles in recycling bin)
CHLOE
It’s really hot in here
23.
DELANEY
Yeah but this nectarine is cold and tastes great.
BRYCE
And I’m really enjoying my marshmallow.
SUNNY
YOU KNOW THE FLAVORS YOU SAVOR PLUS THE MIDDLE SNACK
I’M THEIR SAVIOR, NEVER WAVER, I KEEP BRINGING THEM BACK
LIKE CLOCKWORK I’M AT WORK FOR THE FLAVORS YOU KNOW
I JUST CAN’T SEEM TO GET ANY PISTACHIO (puzzled, pointing at last machine)
EIGHT MACHINES NEVER EMPTY OR BROKEN, NO WASTE
SAME FLAVORS, SAME TASTES SINCE I OPENED THIS PLACE
ALMOST FIVE YEARS IT’S BEEN ONLY MY FACE
ALMOST FIVE YEARS NEVER OUT OF THIS SPACE
DO YOU THINK THAT I’M BOASTING? I’M BRAGGING? I’M RUDE?
THEN MULTIPLY BY NINE ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE
(Students completely ignore SUNNY.)
BRYCE
We need to come back here. How about tomorrow or next weekend?
DELANEY
No, yesterday I saw it was dark in here by six and I think they’re closed on Sunday. Besides, it’s too bright in here.
SUNNY
YOU BET I’M BRIGHT, I’M JUST THE RIGHT LIGHT
I’M ALWAYS IN SIGHT, FOR ME THERE’S NO NIGHT
I’M NOT CLOSED SUNDAY, NEVER CLOSED EVEN ONE DAY
OPEN MIDNIGHT, TWILIGHT, DAWN, MY LIGHT’S ALWAYS ON
MY PRODUCT’S WORLDWIDE, MY WORK’S MULTIPLIED
VACATION? DENIED. SICK CALL? I’VE TRIED
I’VE NO PLACE TO HIDE ON MY TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN RIDE
SO IF YOU THINK IT’S DARK IN HERE...YOU’RE JUST ON THE WRONG SIDE (Again ignored by students who are eating their yogurt)
24.
SUNNY
GO AHEAD, IGNORE ME—BUT KNOW—THERE WAS NOTHING HERE BEFORE ME
OF COURSE IT’S MY FORCE THAT MAKES EVERYTHING GO
I’M THE BOSS, THE POWER SOURCE, THE STAR OF THIS SHOW
MY VALUE’S ENORMOUS, YOURS—NOT EVEN PLANETESIMAL
MY ENERGY’S ALMOST INFINITE, YOURS—INFINITESIMAL
I’M WEIGHTY, I’VE GOT GRAVITAS, HALF MY WORK’S UNSEEN
I’M NOT JUST PULLING HANDLES ON YOGURT MACHINES
SO LET’S GET ONE THING ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN...
I’M NOT THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN (Students get up to leave, taking cups with them)
ALEX
There are a lot of things I need to do. I’ve got to get home, how about you?
BRYCE
I want to work on my campaign for class secretary.
CHLOE
I want to finish my ube.
DELANEY
I want to see all the planets. I really want to see all the planets.
CHLOE
You’re dreaming just like BRYCE. Not gonna happen.
DELANEY
No, I’m serious. Someday I am going to see the planets.
(Again, SUNNY shows great interest in DELANEY’s comment. Students exit left. Then SUNNY runs around the stage excitedly, addressing the audience with manic energy. This is the time to put on your best sound and light effects.)
25.
SUNNY
SO AMBITIOUS, S/HE’S GREAT, OH MY ISN’T S/HE
TRYING TO SEE ALL EIGHT, ALL MY PROGENY
WHY SHOULD S/HE WAIT TO FULFILL DESTINY
SO IF PLANETS WILL SATE, THEN IT’S PLANETS S/HE’LL SEE
(Now SUNNY starts to rotate the yogurt machines while stage crew removes the stand, tables,chairs and bin. The planets hurriedly move about the stage so their machines show the black background. Then they line up again.)
I’LL CHANGE ORBITAL RATES, DEFY GRAVITY
AND WITH EACH PLANET STRAIGHT, IN A LINE UP WITH ME
OUTER SPACE WILL DEFLATE, THEY’LL BE SIMPLE TO SEE
THEN I’LL OPEN A GATE, TO A FANTASY
OF A MAGICAL STATE, WHERE THOSE KIDS WILL BE
WITH AN AMBLING GAIT, PLANET HOP EASILY
SO THEY CAN SEE ALL EIGHT...BUT LOOK CAUTIOUSLY
FOR EACH PLANET AWAITS, THEY WANT COMPANY
AND THEN AS THEY RELATE, THOSE KIDS JUST MAY SEE
THAT THE LINES THAT THEY STATE, WILL RHYME JUST LIKE ME
HOPE I’M NOT TOO LATE TO DO MY WIZARDRY
SO THEY HAVE A DATE TO VIEW MY SYZYGY
AND FIND THAT WHAT THEY ATE MAY BE THEIR REALITY
AND DETERMINE THEIR FATE...OR WILL IT...WE’LL SEE
26.
(The stage is dark and empty except for a spotlight on the satellites)
ST 1
Well, lets get going, we’ve got work to do.
ST 4
Why bother, there are no moons around Mercury or Venus.
ST 1
But the other planets all have some
ST 4
No way they make it out there.
ST 1
Let’s go, we must be prepared. (They all exit left, ST4 reluctantly)
(BLACKOUT)
27.
ACT I
Scene 7 - MERCURY EXPRESS
SETTING: The stage is empty except for the starry background of the
machines.
AT RISE: MERCURY sprints across the stage repeatedly, entering left,
exiting right. Students enter right tentatively, looking around at
their new environment.
MERCURY enters again and after seeing students stays on
stage but never stops moving.
BRYCE
This doesn’t look like the way home. Where did the buildings go?
DELANEY
I’ve a feeling we’re not in (your state) anymore.
CHLOE
It’s like we’re in this big empty place.
ALEX
Big yes. Empty no. Welcome to outer space.
CHLOE
Well then who’s speedy?
ALEX
That’s MERCURY
CHLOE
Wow, really fast. Have we ever managed to explore it?
DELANEY
Only once with the Messenger probe. It’s really hard to catch up to.
(Music begins. MERCURY briefly acknowledges ALEX who reciprocates. BRYCE tries to get a photo but is frustrated by MERCURY’s constant movement and gives up. CHLOE shows mild interest in MERCURY. DELANEY looks at phone.)
28.
MERCURY EXPRESS (to the tune: Marrakesh Express)
SPEEDING ROUND THE SUN HUNDRED THOUSAND MILES AN HOUR
EIGHTY EIGHT DAYS AND THEN YOU’LL BE ONE MORE YEAR OLDER
EIGHT HUNDRED DEGREES IN THE LIGHT MINUS TWO EIGHTY IN THE NIGHT
SOMEWHERE THERE HAS TO BE A PLACE FOR YOU
SMALLEST PLANET NOW THAT PLUTO’S BEEN KICKED OUT
ORBIT FOLLOWS THE MOST ELLIPTICAL ROUTE
GOT NO MOONS THAT STAY WITH ME
MAYBE IT’S LOW GRAVITY
BUT I THINK IT’S VELOCITY DON’T YOU
COME ON AND CATCH ME I’M THE MERCURY EXPRESS
PLEASE COME AND JOIN ME WATCH THE MERCURY EXPRESS AND PERIHELION PRECESS
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
GET ON BOARD MY TRAIN
I’VE GOT ICE AND PLAINS AND CRATERS ON MY SURFACE HERE
BUT I DON’T HAVE AN ATMOSPHEEEEEEERE
ONLY EARTH HAS GOT A DENSITY THAT’S MORE
THAT’S CAUSE I’VE GOT LOTS OF IRON IN MY MY MY MY MY CORE
MESSENGER LAUNCHED IN OH FOUR
CIRCLED ME LIKED WHAT IT SAW
TEN YEARS ON AND IT RAN OUT OF GAS
DON’T YOU KNOW IT CRASHED INTO THE MERCURY EXPRESS
NOW I’D LIKE TO KNOW WHO’S GONNA CLEAN UP ALL THIS MESS
BEPI COLUMBO’S MY NEXT GUEST
DON’T YOU KNOW IT’S COMING TO THE MERCURY EXPRESS
WILL TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES OF THE MERCURY EXPRESS
I WISH IT ALL THE BEST SUCCESS
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
GET ON BOARD MY TRAIN
GET ON BOOOAAARRRRD… (exits right)
29.
CHLOE
Are all the planets that fast?
DELANEY
No, MERCURY has to be the fastest because it’s closest to the Sun. If it wasn’t moving so fast it would be pulled in by the Sun’s gravity. If the other planets were as fast as MERCURY they would shoot out of the solar system...hey, that was my first planet sighting. I wonder if we can get to see Venus today.
ALEX
Right this way. (all exit left)
30.
ACT I
Scene 8 - TOO MANY CLOUDS
SETTING: Same as scene 3
AT RISE: Students enter right
CHLOE
So have we sent satellites to Venus?
DELANEY
Yes, lots. Venus is easier to catch up to but it’s really hot there, even hotter than MERCURY.
CHLOE
How can that be, since it’s further from the Sun?
DELANEY
It’s because of the—look, there’s Venus now.
(VENUS, downcast, enters left and slowly moves right. The planet has large yellow sponges loaded with water on both hands and an enormous one on head. Add more to other body parts if you like. During the song the students move left past Venus. They cross at “closest to you” and VENUS reaches out to ALEX who reciprocates but does not approach. VENUS continues right).
BRYCE
Gee, why so glum? (BRYCE will try to get photo of VENUS during song but always picks moments when the planet raises sponges on hands so BRYCE can never get a shot. CHLOE shows some interest while DELANEY again alternates between phone and glances to the planet.)
(The music begins)
31.
TOO MANY CLOUDS (to the tune: Send In The Clowns (Judy Collins version))
VENUS
ISN’T IT SAD
MY FAULT I GUESS
I THOUGHT AS EARTH’S TWIN YOU’D LIKE ME BEST
BUT THEN THERE’S THE CLOUDS
CLOSEST TO YOU
JUST THE SAME SIZE
I SHINE BRIGHTER THAN ANY STAR IN YOUR SKY
BUT I HAVE TOO MANY CLOUDS
HOT THICK YELLOW CLOUDS
SULFURIC ACID RAINS FROM MY SKY (squeeze out hand sponges now)
CARBON DIOXIDE UNBELIEVABLY HIGH
I’M A GREENHOUSE GAS EFFECT RUN AMOK
EIGHT HUNDRED EIGHTY DEGREES
PLANNING A VISIT? GOOD LUCK
DON’T HAVE A MOON
AND YOU KNOW WHAT’S WEIRD
A DAY HERE IS LONGER THAN MY WHOLE YEAR
I WAS NAMED AFTER LOVE
BUT ALL THEY THINK OF
ARE THOSE CLOUDS ABOVE
(during 23 second musical interlude)
BRYCE
It’s really hot here.
CHLOE
My ube is melting.
32.
ALEX
It’s not that hot.
DELANEY
Yes it is. We’ve seen VENUS, let’s keep going. (they continue left. VENUS, now far right, gestures to students.)
VENUS
WAIT! (DELANEY keeps moving left, the others briefly stop before moving on)
TO SEE ALL THIS
YOU WON’T HAVE TO GO FAR
OH, YOU’RE AS LIKELY TO COME HERE
AS GO TO THE STARS
IT’S BECAUSE OF THE CLOUDS
I HAVE TOO MANY CLOUDS
OKAY...GO VISIT...MARS
(VENUS buries head in hands, more water expressed, exits right. ALEX, BRYCE and CHLOE show concern as they watch VENUS exit. Not so DELANEY)
DELANEY
Yeah, great idea, two planets down. Let’s see if we can find Mars.
ALEX
I know where MARS is but I can’t go there just yet. At home I have some things to get.
DELANEY
Let’s keep going, I don’t need to see Earth.
BRYCE
If ALEX needs to check in at home we can do that.
CHLOE
I don’t get… how a day on VENUS… can be longer than a year.
32.
DELANEY
When you say day, do you mean how long VENUS takes to rotate on its axis or how long it takes for the Sun to return to the same place in the sky?
CHLOE
Well that’s the same thing, isn’t it?
ALEX
No, for EARTH the time to spin it is shorter by four minutes than the SUN place in the sky way, which is our twenty-four hour day.
DELANEY
And on VENUS one is twice as long as the other but they both last over one hundred Earth days.
CHLOE
I still don’t get how a day can last so long but I do know if I ever go visit VENUS, I’m going to show up on a Saturday.
(all exit left)
BLACKOUT
33.
ACT I
Scene 9 - LIVING ROOM SCENE
SETTING: The same as in MORNING MOODS part A. MRS. EARTH is sitting at
the table, feeling better. Nearby is the garbage can and
recycling bin. The photos are up if used in MORNING MOODS A.
ST 1 sits quietly on the floor holding a very long string tied to a
crescent shaped silver mylar helium balloon. If no photos used,
hide the PLUTO poster behind the table.
AT RISE: MR. EARTH enters left, exhausted; students enter right
CHLOE
Okay, so here’s a question even I can understand the answer to. VENUS was really hot but what is the average temperature on Earth?
DELANEY
I have no idea.
ALEX
These days it’s Fahrenheit fifty-nine or so but it was a degree less forty years ago.
CHLOE
Do you always talk in rhymes?
ALEX
(shrugs) Just sometimes. (CHLOE looks quizzically at audience, they walk left)
We’re out of space. Here’s my place...of birth...and my parents, MR. and MRS. EARTH.
34.
MR. EARTH
Hi, where have you been kids? Tell us what you did.
BRYCE
Hi MR. EARTH, we got froyo at SUNNY’S and then saw MERCURY AND VENUS.
MRS. EARTH
Oh ALEX just loves SUNNY’S chocolate mixture. How are MERCURY and VENUS? Did you get a picture?
BRYCE
No, MERCURY was always moving too much and every time I tried to get a shot of VENUS, the clouds got in my way.
MRS. EARTH
Say, would you like to take a picture of us today? (MR. and MRS. EARTH get together for a shot)
BRYCE
Sure. Okay, one, two...
(DELANEY throws cup away in garbage; MR. EARTH jumps up; BRYCE misses picture, exasperated at photographic failures.)
MR. EARTH
Hey, don’t put that in the trash bin, that goes in recycling.
DELANEY
It’s just one cup.
MR. EARTH
If eight billion people recycle one thing less, do you know what my backyard looks like? A mess! (ALEX collects cup from trash bin and takes cups from BRYCE and CHLOE and put all in recycling.)
35.
MRS. EARTH
Thank you ALEX, but you know you left your clothes on the floor and didn’t close your window or door and you left your light on when you were at the store. It’s not like the oil truck makes deliveries anymore.
MR. EARTH
We need your help around here. We can’t do it all by ourselves every year.
MRS. EARTH
That’s right, and you know we had a new MOON last night. (points to balloon held by ST 1)
CHLOE
Congratulations MRS. E!
MRS. EARTH
CHLOE, we have a new MOON every twenty-nine and a half days... and ALEX, you didn’t take it out in the SUN’s setting rays.
DELANEY
But a new Moon can’t be seen on the first day. It’s too close to the Sun.
MR. EARTH
But it can be seen on the second day. And if people don’t see a crescent MOON tonight at sunset, what will they say?
DELANEY
Well, a second day Moon won’t be visible for long before it sets. We’ll wait for you ALEX while you take it out.
MRS. EARTH
Oh, where are you going?
DELANEY
We’re going to explore the solar system and see all the planets.
36.
MR. EARTH
You’re not going to PLUTO, are you?
DELANEY
Oh no, Pluto is a Kuiper belt object.
MR. EARTH
You’re right about that. I always knew it wasn’t a planet. (ALEX gets PLUTO poster and holds it up. Use the “heart” picture from the New Horizons probe if you can.)
ALEX
(angry) Are you telling me this isn’t a planet?
MR. EARTH
(angrier) It’s orbit is tilted seventeen degrees to ours. MARS, JUPITER, SATURN, NEPTUNE are only tilted two degrees. Seventeen degrees! Where did that come from?
ALEX
It doesn’t matter where it comes from or how tilted its orbit is. I miss PLUTO and I want it to be a planet.
MR. EARTH
Make PLUTO a planet and the next thing you know every rock a mile wide circling the SUN will want to be a planet.
ALEX
(yelling) It’s a planet
MR. EARTH
(yelling louder) It’s not one of us.
37.
CHLOE
(quietly to BRYCE) They’re not rhyming anymore.
BRYCE
I know, that’s not a good thing.
MRS. EARTH
(very upset) Please stop.
BRYCE
Are you okay MRS. EARTH?
MR. EARTH
She’s not feeling well. She’s had a fever and it’s not getting better.
DELANEY
(uncomfortably) Well, we need to get going.
ALEX
You go ahead without me. It’s okay, I’ve seen the planets before. I need to stay here and help out.
(ALEX puts poster away and takes MOON balloon string from ST 1. DELANEY exits left, BRYCE and CHLOE reluctantly follow; MR. EARTH consoles MRS. EARTH; the lights dim)
38.
ACT I
Scene 10 - TWILIGHT TALK
SETTING: MR. and MRS. EARTH are seated motionless in the fading light. If
helium not available consider: a cardboard crescent moon
which can be suspended from and slide and descend along a
catwalk above; a crescent which is suspended from and slides
along a black string across the stage, angled from high to low
as ALEX moves right (moons must be removable); a crescent
on a collapsable black tent pole.
AT RISE: ALEX takes the long string in left hand and slowly uses right to
bring moon lower, simulating the setting Moon as the light
fades and ALEX moves right. The crescent is at eye level at the
end.
ALEX
(starts to walk right with MOON, looks back left)
SO THERE THEY GO, MY THREE FRIENDS
OFF TO SEE MY HEAVENLY FRIENDS
MY PARENTS DON’T THINK I NEED FRIENDS
SO NOW IT’S JUST YOU AND ME...FRIEND
(looks up and continues to address MOON)
PIERCING THE TWILIGHT WITH YOUR THIN SILVER CRESCENT
TONIGHT’S CELESTIAL HIGHLIGHT, A TWO DAY OLD PRESENT
BUT SO SOON OUT OF SIGHT FROM HORIZON’S ASCENT
AS THE EARTH SPINS RIGHT...YOU DON’T SELF DESCENT (last four words with a head shake and a smile)
39.
ALEX (cont.)
YOUR RISE AND YOUR FALL, YOUR APPARENT MOTION
IT’S MOSTLY EARTH’S FAULT, MY PARENT’S DEVOTION
AND NOW I HEAR THEIR CALL, THEY SAY IT’S A PROMOTION
ME? IN CHARGE OF THIS ALL? I’VE GOT MIXED EMOTION
(takes a step back left and looks left)
I WANTED TO GO THOUGH
THEY WERE ACTING SO LOCO
SHOULDA SEEN THEM AT FROYO
SUNNY WAS MAD, UH OH
THEY DON’T KNOW THE WAY TO GO
HOW THEY’LL GET THERE I DON’T KNOW
GOING WITH THEM’S A NO GO
I CAN’T PLAY SAM TO THEIR FRODO
(continues right, looking at MOON and pulling it lower as light fades)
I’VE GOT LOTS OF PLANS YOU KNOW
I’M JUST NOT SURE WHICH TO FOLLOW
I’M THINKING LOCAL
MOM AND DAD WANT ME GLOBAL
I’M THINKING GRANDE THOUGH
I’VE GOT TO START POCO
GOT THIS BIG VISION SO
GOT TO BE MORE FOCAL
BEEN KEEPING MY VOICE LOW
GOT TO BE MORE VOCAL
ANSWERS SEEM HIDDEN
AS WE WANDER AND SEEK
WE COULD PONDER FOREVER
WE COULD WAX ON FOR TWO WEEKS
AND KEEP GOING IN CIRCLES
WATCH OUR ENERGY WANE
40.
ALEX (cont.)
AND IN TWO MORE WEEKS
START ALL OVER AGAIN
(stops moving, MOON now at eye level, looks directly at audience)
BUT A DECISION’S GOT TO BE MADE
IT’S NOT REALLY A DEBT
IT’S JUST WHERE I BELONG
I CAN NEVER FORGET
I’LL BE HAPPIEST HERE
IT’S MY BEST BET
SO I’M GOING TO STAY HOME...
AND NOW WE’RE BOTH SET
(looks at MOON and hurries back to parents with MOON to tell them the news. They are all excited)
BLACKOUT
41.
ACT I
Scene 11 - MORE REAL
SETTING: The stage is empty except for the background as in Scenes 7
and 8. Consider this the best scene to demonstrate the relative
motion of the planets and students. The students enter right
and are center when they see MARS enter left with ST 1 and ST2
following behind. MARS slowly moves to center during its poem
while the students move left, BRYCE lagging behind. As they talk,
MARS moves right while CHLOE and DELANEY go left. BRYCE is
now alone and has to decide which way to go.
AT RISE: BRYCE, CHLOE AND DELANEY enter right
CHLOE
So what do ALEX’s parents do?
DELANEY
I’m not sure.
BRYCE
I think it’s something about real estate or property management or something like that. Mars isn’t going to be moving too fast or be too hot is it?
DELANEY
Definitely not. We’ve had a lot of success exploring Mars. In nineteen seventy-one Mariner 9 took pictures of it. Then in seventy-five the Viking crafts actually touched down on Mars. There were some failures, like the ninety-two Observer probe, but then came the rovers Sojourner, Spirit, Opportunity and Curiosity. They were a great success. The lander Insight arrived in two thousand eighteen and then the rover Perseverance. (looks at phone) Hey, look, all the planets are lined up!
42.
CHLOE
The planets are always lined up...at least on the poster in science class.
DELANEY
It’s called syzygy but it never actually happens. The first three sometimes, but all eight, never. It’s crazy but at least we’ll be able to find them without ALEX.
(They walk a bit more right. MARS appears left, looking at its phone. ST 1 and ST 2 follow behind)
BRYCE
Look, there’s MARS and its satellites. (pulls out phone to take picture)
DELANEY
Great! We’ve got that sighting, now I’ve seen four, but we know so much about MARS already. It’s getting late, there’s no reason to stop here. Let’s go.
BRYCE
Just let me get a shot...got it
(BRYCE finally gets a photo and the students start to move left. MARS notices and is annoyed and responds with MORE REAL)
MARS
ANOTHER PHOTO FROM AFAR...I’M OFFENDED
LIKE A GLANCE FROM A SPEEDING CAR, NO REAL INTEREST INTENDED
DON’T NEED ANOTHER OBSERVER, WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT ENDED
LET ME SEE WHO YOU ARE, LET’S GET SOME ENERGY EXPENDED
DON’T CALL ME A CANDY BAR, (holds up phone)CALL ME, I CAN BE FRIENDED
I’M IN SIGHT OF YOUR BACKYARD, LET’S GET OUR FENCES MENDED
NASA SAYS THE DOOR’S AJAR, LAUNCH WINDOW’S BEEN EXTENDED
THE JOURNEY’S NOT THAT FAR, I NEED SOMEBODY SENDED!
43.
MARS (cont.)
BOOKS AND SONGS AND MOVIE STARS? DON’T NEED MORE SCIENCE THAT’S PRETENDED
WHY CAN’T WOMEN COME FROM MARS? JUST LIKE THE MEN DID
ELTON SAID AIN’T THE PLACE ON MARS? WHY YOU COULD RAISE TEN KIDS
DETECTIVE VERONICA MARS? GET THAT TV SHOW SUSPENDED
MATT DAMON AND TAYLOR KITSCH ARE NOT MY FAVORITE MARTIANS
THAT WAS MAKE BELIEVE AND SO WAS RAY WALSTON
DON’T CARE FOR EITHER WELL(E)S WHETHER H.G. OR ORSON
LISTEN TO ME YELL—I NEED A REAL PERSON!
WANT PEOPLE NOT MACHINES THAT HAVE SPIRIT AND CURIOSITY
WANT REAL VIKINGS AND MARINES TO MAKE UP MY LANDING PARTY
SHOW PERSEVERANCE AND YOU’LL SEE THAT THERE’S A POSSIBILITY
SO TAKE A SOJOURN OUT TO ME...YOU’LL HAVE REAL OPPORTUNITY
(BRYCE seems interested and lags behind CHLOE and DELANEY as they move further left)
HEY, HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, DON’T YOU IGNORE ME
COME OVER HERE, GET IN IT, YOU’VE GOT TO EXPLORE ME
DIG DEEP, NO LIMIT, YOU CAN TERRAFORM ME
THEN ONCE YOU LIVE IT, YOU’LL FIND YOU ADORE ME
BRYCE
(inches back towards MARS) So...what’s on MARS?
MARS
MY CANYON’S THE DEEPEST, FIVE TIMES YOUR GRANDEST
THOUSAND MILES IT’S THE LONGEST, MY VALLES MARINERIS
MY VOLCANO’S THE HIGHEST, TWICE WHAT IS EVEREST
HUNDRED MILES IT’S THE WIDEST, MY MONS OLYMPUS
I’VE GOT ONE NINTH EARTH’S MASS, MY DIAMETER’S HALF
YOUR WEIGHT HERE? DON’T ASK, YOU DO THE MATH
MY ORBITAL SPEED’S FIVE SIXTHS AS FAST,
CAUSE MY ASTRONOMICAL UNITS ARE ONE AND A HALF
SO EVERY TWO YEARS I SEE EARTH PASS
AS I CONTINUE ALONG MY ELLIPTICAL PATH
44.
BRYCE
Can you tell me anymore about MARS?
MARS
MORE?
SO YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE OF THIS GOD OF WAR
FROM MY OCHRE FLOOR OF IRON ORE TO MY SMALL IRON CORE
I’M AN OPEN DOOR, EXPLORE, GO NORTH, TAKE A TOUR
MY POLE’S GOT ICE GALORE, A MILE THICK OR MORE
MY AXIS TILTS LIKE YOURS, JUST A BIT MORE
SO MY SEASONS ARE FOUR AND EACH SUMMER THE ICE IS...LESS
DAILY HOURS ARE TWENTY-FOUR PLUS A HALF MORE
BUT MY YEAR’S NOT LIKE YOURS, NO, IT’S ALMOST TWICE MORE
SO’S MY LUNAR SCORE AS PHOBOS AND DEIMOS AVERAGE A DAY FOR THEIR ORBITAL TOUR
(points to ST1 and ST2)
MY ATMOSPHERE? IT’S POOR...SO WHAT, YOU’LL LIVE INDOORS
BRYCE
Well, I don’t know
MARS
LOOK, I MAY BE A STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND
THERE MAY BE A DANGER BUT YOU UNDERSTAND
TECH CAN BE A GAME CHANGER SO GO MAKE A PLAN
AND TAKE AN ADVENTURE...I KNOW THAT YOU CAN
BRYCE
So...if I went to MARS would I be the first person there?
MARS
Yes
BRYCE
Could I be governor of MARS?
MARS
You could be president of MARS!
45.
BRYCE
That does it! CHLOE, DELANEY—I’m going to MARS!
DELANEY
You need to stay with us. What happened to class secretary?
BRYCE
(responds with “MY ONE SHOT”, slowly at first)
HEY... I HAD A PLAN
BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED
I HAVE A CHANCE
TO REARRANGE
MY LIFE’S...BEEN ON HOLD
BEEN AIMING LOW
CAN’T WAIT TO GET OLD
TIME TO ACT NOW...SO
HAVE TO BE BOLD
DONE WITH FROYO (dismissive to CHLOE and DELANEY)
TOOK MY OWN POLL RESULTS ONE TO OH
MARS GOT ME SOLD
I’VE GOT TO GO
SO WHEN MY STORY’S TOLD
EVERYONE WILL KNOW...
(ST 1 and ST 2 hold up four posters as Bryce says the words, each with one letter on them: M, A, R, S.
Pick up the pace now)
I’LL HAVE A MAGNIFICENT, A TRAIL BLAZING, REVOLUTION MAKING, SUPER PRESIDENCY
I’LL BE MUNIFICENT, AMAZING, REAL SOLUTION BAKING, SCANDAL FREE
I’LL NEVER BE MALEFICENT, ANTAGONIZING, RESOLUTION BREAKING OR SCOUNDRELLY
MALEVOLENT, AVENGING, REPUTATION FAKING OR SLANDERLY
NOR MALICIOUS, ARROGANT, RUMOR MAKING OR SWAGGERLY
THEY’LL BE NO MALFEASANCE, AUTOCRACY OR RESIGNING SHAMEFULLY
46.
BRYCE (cont.)
I’LL BE FIRST AT GETTING THINGS DONE
I’LL BE A MARTIAN GEORGE WASHINGTON
ON YOUR SIDE NO MATTER WHERE YOU’RE FROM
REPRESENTATIVE OF EVERYONE
YOU’LL SEE THAT
MY ADMINISTRATION RULES SUCCESSFULLY
MOST AGREEABLY, REMARKABLY AND SPLENDIDLY
MANAGED ADMIRABLY, RESOURCEFULLY AND STATESMANLY
MEDIATING ALLIANCES RATHER SUCCESSFULLY
MAGNANIMOUSLY ADVOCATING RE—
(ST2 drops R poster just as it is being raised)
DELANEY
—Yeah, yeah I get the M-A-R-S thing but you can’t go there.
BRYCE
(now angry)
YOU KNOW A HUNDRED FORTY MILLION MILES AGO I WAS THROWING A SKITTLE FIT
BUT I’M GROWING UP NOW, BIT BY LITTLE BIT
YOU SAY I CAN’T GO TO MARS, YOU THINK THIS KID’LL QUIT
I SAY I’VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES, I THINK THIS KID’LL FIT
I WON’T VOTE RIGHT OR LEFT, I’LL JUST MIDDLE SIT
AND AS FOR MY TERM, WELL I’LL JUST LIMIT IT
I’M MOTIVATED, DETERMINED, I HAVE THAT CRITICAL GRIT
SO YOU JUST WATCH ME HERE, I’LL BE A POLITICAL HIT
DELANEY
You can’t be president of MARS. There wasn’t even an election.
BRYCE
SO THERE WAS NO ELECTION—BUT HEY, WAIT A MINUTE
THE ONE WITH THE MOST VOTES DOESN’T ALWAYS WIN IT
IF YOU THINK THAT’S A COP OUT THEN YOU CAN ALL KISS IT
CAUSE THIS IS MY ONE SHOT...AND I’M NOT GONNA MISS IT
47
BRYCE (cont.)
(Bryce starts to move right and then hesitates, looking to audience)
Does anyone else want to go to Mars? I mean, I don’t want to go there alone, and besides, why be president if no one else is there? Hey, here’s your chance. Who wants to go to Mars?
(ST 3 and ST4 in audience help 5-10 volunteers on to stage who then exit right with BRYCE, giving MARS a high five or equivalent. Off stage they will be given a bucket of balls and instructions on how and when to throw them. CHLOE follows halfway while DELANEY stays left. CHLOE and DELANEY have a different take on the situation which progresses to argument. They each address the audience.)
CHLOEDELANEY
S/he’s going to MARS, I can’t believe it.S/he’s going to MARS, I can’t believe it.
(CHLOE excitedly impressed, DELANEY incredulous)
CHLOE DELANEY
S/he had the shot right there and took it.S/he had the shot right there and took it.
(CHLOE pumps fist enthusiastically, DELANEY mimes taking a photo with phone)
CHLOE
It was so bold, unprecedented.
DELANEY
It was cell phone documented.
CHLOE
Why NOT just go there?
DELANEY
Why not just stay HERE?
CHLOE
And s/he got to see the first four planets.
DELANEY
And s/he won’t get to see the last four planets.
(Now they angrily address each other, CHLOE moving slowly left towards DELANEY.)
48.
CHLOE
All you want to do is see.
DELANEY
You don’t know what you want to be.
CHLOE
Well...I kinda like this planet stuff.
DELANEY
Well you just don’t study enough.
CHLOE
Maybe if someone would teach me.
DELANEY
Maybe if you were more like me.
CHLOE
It’s not that I’m stupider, there’s just a lot I don’t know.
DELANEY
It’s a long way to Jupiter, we’ve got to go. (DELANEY storms off left, CHLOE reluctantly follows.)
49.
ACT I
Scene 12 - AISLE FIVE
SETTING: Empty stage except for a few small balls (like in a ball pit) on
the floor stage right.(Skittle colors?)
AT RISE: DELANEY enters right, looking at phone, anxious to keep moving.
CHLOE follows behind. Mars volunteers are in front of the stage
with their buckets of balls which they will throw at CHLOE.
CHLOE
(sees balls and picks up three.) What are these, toys?
DELANEY
They’re asteroids.
CHLOE
I don’t know what that is but they could be fun. (tries to juggle but a few more fly by or hit CHLOE and drops them)
DELANEY
They’re small rocky bodies that orbit the Sun. (A giant ball, like those two foot diameter exercise ones goes right at CHLOE from off stage. CHLOE frantically tries to dodge it and yells at DELANEY.)
CHLOE
You said they were small. I almost got pulverized.
DELANEY
Most are small but there’s one almost planet sized.
50.
CHLOE
What’s with the rhyming? You’re starting to sound like ALEX.
DELANEY
(annoyed) I don’t know.
CHLOE
Hey, and BRYCE did it before leaving with MARS.
DELANEY
Maybe we’re catching it from the planets. I guess we shouldn’t be getting too close to them. (more small balls come flying by and hit CHLOE who is now getting annoyed. None ever go towards DELANEY)
CHLOE
Are there any more big ones coming my way?
DELANEY
No, that was Ceres, the largest one by far.
CHLOE
(really frustrated by bombardment at this point) How many asteroids are there?
DELANEY
Oh there are millions of them. (as many balls as possible go towards CHLOE. DELANEY ignores all this)
DELANEY
Let’s get going. I need to finish my mission. (exits left)
CHLOE
(forlorn, center stage, looking at audience) Let’s take a break. I need an intermission.
OFF STAGE VOICE
There will be an intermission while CHLOE and DELANEY make their way to Jupiter.
BLACKOUT
END OF ACT I
51.
ACT II
Scene 13 - ONE BIG PLANET
SETTING: The stage is empty with a starry background
AT RISE: A spotlight on the four satellites who are in front of the stage.
ST 1
Okay, get ready, here’s our big moment.
ST 4
Geez, do we have to?
OFF STAGE VOICE
Ladies and gentlemen, we are approaching Jupiter. Please take your seats, we are approaching Jupiter. (commotion down the aisle, loud rock music starts)
ST 1
We’re on! (the satellites escort Jupiter down the aisle with much pomp)
(There are twenty-three seconds of instrumental to get JUPITER on stage ready to sing. The satellites can get on with JUPITER or arrive on stage for their introduction in the second verse. CHLOE and DELANEY enter right shortly after JUPITER gets on stage. They watch from afar.)
ONE BIG PLANET (to the tune: Sharp Dressed Man)
JUPITER
COLORED CLOUDS RED SPOT
I’VE GOT LOTS OF THINGS YOU HAVEN’T GOT
THIN RINGSFASTEST SPIN
MY GIANT MASS IS GONNA PULL YOU IN
I’VE GOT NINETY-TWO MOONS AROUND ME
CAUSE NOTHING CAN RESIST MY GRA-VI-TY
52.
JUPITER (cont.)
(JUPITER introduces satellites who acknowledge their names.)
FOUR MOONSYOU CAN SEE
CALLISTO IO EUROPA GANYMEDE
STRONGESTMAGNETIC FIELD
I’M A PLANETARY COMET SHIELD
IN NINETY-FOUR I GRABBED SHOEMAKER LEVY
I’M THE BIGGEST SO THEY ALL MUST COME TO ME
(Satellites each grab multiple large, round posters which have one JUPITER factoid written on them. They parade around JUPITER who is obviously quite proud, displaying the posters one by one during the musical interlude, about five seconds for each one. CHLOE shows great interest in the information and enthusiastically tries to get DELANEY to notice but DELANEY ignores, buried in phone between glances up at JUPITER. ST 4 is unenthusiastic, flips one sign to read “I don’t want to be here”)
{JUPITER has more than twice the mass of all other planets combined}
{JUPITER has the mass of 318 EARTHS}
{JUPITER’s diameter is ten times EARTH’s}
{You would weigh two and a half times as much on JUPITER’s surface}
{JUPITER’s Great Red Spot is a giant storm}
{You could fit two EARTH’s in it}
{A JUPITER year is almost 12 EARTH years long}
{JUPITER’s day is less than 10 hours long}
{JUPITER’s core temperature is 36,000 degrees F}
{JUPITER’s four largest moons were first seen by Galileo in 1610}
{GANYMEDE, the largest moon in the solar system is bigger than Mercury}
{IO is the most volcanically active world in the solar system}
{EUROPA may have a large water ocean beneath a smooth icy surface}
{CALLISTO has the most impact craters of any moon in the solar system}
53.
JUPITER(cont.)
MY HYDROGEN PRESSURE’S GREAT
IT’S IN A LIQUIFIED METALLIC STATE
MY CORE’SSUPER HOT
I GIVE THE BEST GRAVITATIONAL SLINGSHOT
ZEUS IS MY NAME IN ANCIENT GREEK LORE
THE REST OF YOU CAN CALL ME JU PI TOR
(As the song ends, JUPITER frantically tries to correct the mispronunciation while the satellites try to pull it off stage. JUPITER tries to impress CHLOE and DELANEY)
That’s JupiTER, Ju Pi TER, (spells)J-U-P-I-T-E-R. I’m the biggest planet. Bigger than all the others put together. I’ve got a really big red spot. Wanna see it? Come visit me.
(JUPITER resists as the satellites try to physically drag the planet off stage.)
That’s JupiTER. Biggest planet ever. I’ve got a lot more moons than these four. Come see them. I’m massive. Lots of gravity. Ju pi TER
(Finally dragged off right by satellites as CHLOE and DELANEY move left and music fades out.)
CHLOE
Well that was unusual. I guess we won’t be going to JUPITER.
DELANEY
It’s actually a very interesting place. The Juno probe arrived there in two thousand sixteen and took lots of measurements but if you want to know about a launch that was really successful, look up Cassini. That probe circled Saturn for years and finally ran out of fuel so they purposefully crashed it into the planet. You’ve got to see the video from the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory. It’s incredible. Check it out on their website or look on youtube. Look for the April fourth, two thousand seventeen video: Cassini’s Grand Finale.
54.
CHLOE
(taking out phone) Wait, what was that?
DELANEY
Cassini’s Grand Finale. Look for the video that is three minutes and forty-one seconds long.
CHLOE
(looking at phone) Oh, here it is...WOW.
DELANEY
No. Wait til you get home to look at it (glares at audience). We’ve got to keep moving. I think we’re almost to Saturn.
(CHLOE and DELANEY exit left)
BLACKOUT
55.
ACT II
Scene 14 - LETTER TO CASSINI
SETTING: The stage is empty except for a table and chair, where SATURN
sits left. The satellites stand in the corner stage right.
AT RISE: SATURN is writing at the table or typing on a laptop. An off stage
voice will be speaking what SATURN is writing. CHLOE and
DELANEY enter right and observe respectfully, slowly moving left.
OFF STAGE VOICE
My dearest Cassini,
September fifteenth, two thousand and seventeen. The last time I saw you. I’ve thought of you every day since then—and a day on SATURN is only ten and a half hours long. We were together for thirteen years, but I know you left EARTH seven years before I met you.
Sure, you weighed over twelve thousand pounds on takeoff, but most of that was fuel and of course my seven hundred and seventy pound souvenir. You slimmed down to under five thousand pounds by the time I met you...not bad for a twenty-two foot long thirteen foot wide bundle of science with over eight miles of wire.
Yes, I did have a few other probes fly by me before, but nothing that ever entered my orbit. And to be honest I know that you saw JUPITER on the way here, but just used it for a gravitational slingshot. I know I was the first planet you ever orbited. I’m sure of that.
You sent thousands of pictures of me to EARTH but it took over an hour for the radio waves to get there, so they never really saw us live.
56.
OFF STAGE VOICE (cont.)
And what a wonderful picture you took of my great white storm. Bigger than JUPITER’s red spot...a lot bigger (grins and nods but does not write the last three words).
There were photos of my creamy yellow clouds of ammonia...my crazy powerful lightning storms...my giant north pole hexagonal hurricane. You visited many of my moons… IAPETUS MIMAS TETHYS DIONE RHEA HELENE You even discovered seven new moons. That gives me two hundred and seventy-two. (says but does not write) Much more than that...JUPITER.
And who could forget your fly by within thirty miles of my moon ENCELADUS. Your picture of the giant water geysers there showed evidence for an underground salty ocean of water around its core. Word is ENCELADUS is the most likely place in the solar system besides EARTH that could harbor life. Living things on ENCELADUS? I’ll never tell.
And of course your visit to my TITAN. The largest moon in the solar system.
(While SATURN stops writing and daydreams, ST 3 comes forward and addressesaudience. CHLOE and DELANEY continue to observe and move slowly left.)
ST 3
Hold on a minute. Now it’s true that SATURN’s white storm is larger than JUPITER’s red one, but the red one is always there and SATURN’s just shows up every summer—which is once every twenty-nine years for you Earthlings. And TITAN is not the largest moon. It’s big alright but not quite as large as GANYMEDE, which is seventy-one miles wider. Just saying.
57.
OFF STAGE VOICE
TITAN...almost the largest moon in the solar system, with its rivers and lakes of methane. You sent the Huygens lander by parachute to settle down there. I’ll always have that as a memento of our relationship.
You stayed with me so much longer than either of us expected. The more you accomplished, the more those NASA scientists gave you to do until...you ran out of fuel. And rather than risk you crashing into one of my moons where just maybe you might contaminate life there, they decided to send you to me. But first they had you make twenty-two daring dives through that space between me and my rings. Up and down, in and out, where nothing has been before. And then speeding all the way into my atmosphere where you... burned up.
Your spectrometer, your cosmic dust analyzer, your magnetometer and all the other instruments on board disintegrated and rained down on my surface. And those seventy-three pounds of radioactive plutonium that powered them. Scattered all over me. It still tickles. (SATURN absorbed in thought)
I wonder when that Dragonfly is going to show up? (SATURN with a bit of a mischievous smile)
CHLOE
(to DELANEY) I guess we better let SATURN have some alone time.
(CHLOE and DELANEY exit left)
BLACKOUT
58.
ACT II
Scene 11 - NOT A HUMAN
SETTING: The stage is empty except for the satellites in the corner stage
right.
AT RISE: CHLOE and DELANEY enter right
CHLOE
What’s with the dragonfly thing?
DELANEY
NASA is planning on sending a quadcopter drone to land on TITAN. Then it will be able to fly in its atmosphere to explore and look for signs of life.
CHLOE
That’s incredible, how can they do that?
DELANEY
No time to explain, you can check out the NASA Dragonfly video on youtube–when you get home. (sternly directed at audience) We’ve got to get to the next planet.
CHLOE
Oh no, I know what the next planet is. I do not want to go to your anus.
DELANEY
It’s YOOR-unus
CHLOE
I don’t care. I do not want to see your anus.
DELANEY
YOOR-unus. The emphasis is on the first syllable.
CHLOE
Look, there’s your anus now.
59.
DELANEY
Sssshh! Not so loud. (looking at URANUS who has entered left) Uh oh. Too late.
(Music begins, URANUS approaches, circling CHLOE, staring. URANUS wears all clothes the same gray color with a matching coat which is closed. When the coat is opened later in the song, the inside is lined with diamonds and there is a wide gem encrusted belt. URANUS sings NOT A HUMAN (Second Sound) to the tune Only Human (Second Wind). The satellites can sing backup if they like.
URANUS
BEING A PLANET ISN’T FUN WHEN THEY DON’T KNOW YOUR NAME
WHEN THEY THINK THAT A BODY PART AND I SORTA SOUND THE SAME (CHLOE snickers and URANUS angrily points)
THAT’S NOT NICE, IN FACT IT’S SOMETHING I REALLY HATE
I’M NOT A HUMAN, I DON’T HAVE TO DEFECATE
THE ANCIENTS NAMED PLANETS FOR THE ROMAN GODS
AND AFTER FIVE THOUGHT THAT MAYBE THEY’RE DONE
SO WHY DID I GET THE NAME OF THE GREEK SKY GOD
WHEN I WAS DISCOVERED BACK IN SEVENTEEN EIGHTY-ONE?
DON’T ACCENT THAT SECOND SOUND
FOUR BILLION YEARS OLD AND ONLY RECENTLY FOUND
THEY SAID I WAS FEATURELESS BACK WHEN VOYAGER 2 CLOSED IN
THAT NONE OF MY MOONS WERE LARGE AND ALL OF MY RINGS WERE THIN
THAT MAY BE TRUE BUT HEY TAKE A LOOK INSIDE
CHECK OUT WHAT’S IN THIS ICE GIANT AND THEN MAYBE YOU CAN DECIDE
(opens up one side of coat and then the other. Takes off coat (and belt?) and hands it to CHLOE who is fascinated by it.)
60.
I’VE GOT A BIG OCEAN FILLED WITH METHANE SLUSH THAT HAS DIAMONDS RAINING TO THE FLOOR
AND THERE JUST MAY BE A THICK GEMSTONE CRUST THAT GOES COMPLETELY AROUND MY ENTIRE CORE
ALWAYS TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK
DON’T VIEW THE COVER AND THEN GO JUDGE THE BOOK
I MAY BE THE COLDEST PLANET NOW AND YOU’RE SAYING THAT YOU DON’T WANT TO FREEZE
BUT IF YOU DIG A LOT DEEPER DOWN I GO UP NINE THOUSAND DEGREES
SO HOLD ON...AND TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK PLEASE
(During instrumental, URANUS lies down and rolls left to right with head facing audience. CHLOE is perplexed.)
DO YOU KNOW I’M THE ONLY PLANET THAT SPINS ON ITS SIDE (while prone, then to sitting position for next line)
BUT IT’S NOT LIKE IT WAS SOMETHING THAT I GOT TO DECIDE (now stands up)
SO I ROLL LIKE A MARBLE INSTEAD OF S-S-S-SPIN LIKE A TOP
AND MY NORTH POLE GETS SUN FORTY-TWO YEARS NON STOP
MAYBE MY SURFACE DOESN’T FASCINATE AND MY NAME LOOKS LIKE ANATOMY
SO I ASK YOU TWO THINGS—GET YOUR ACCENTS STRAIGHT AND TAKE SOME TIME TO REALLY GET TO KNOW ME
DON’T ACCENT THAT SECOND SOUND
NINETY-NINE THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED MILES AROUND
ALWAYS TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK
DON’T VIEW MY COVER AND THINK YOU KNOW THIS BOOK
ALWAYS TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK
TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK...SECOND LOOK (URANUS goes to exit right and get back coat but CHLOE wants to learn more. URANUS explains things to CHLOE who listens intently while DELANEY waits impatiently.)
61.
DELANEY
Let’s finish up and see NEPTUNE.
CHLOE
There’s no reason for us to go there. YOOR-unus tells me that NEPTUNE is another ice giant, virtually identical to it in size and chemical composition. It’s internal structure is likely the same as YOOR-unus and it’s another ten point nine astronomical units further away.
(Looks to audience, palms out, asking for some love. DELANEY looks to audience in amazement.)
That’s almost another billion miles to go. It was less than that from SUNNY’s to SATURN and we saw six planets in that distance. Besides, I’ve got to get back and do some reading.
DELANEY
What are you going to read? (incredulously)
CHLOE
I’ve got a lot of studying to do. I’m going to be an Earth and space science teacher.
DELANEY
But I’ve seen seven planets, I’ve got to see the last one. (frantically)
CHLOE
We gotta get back. (grabs DELANEY and pulls stage right as DELANEY fights back. they exit right with Uranus.)
ST 1
Okay, one more planet.
ST 4
I’m not going. It’s too far. They’re not going there anyway (pointing stage right). No one ever goes there. We can’t even be seen there.
62.
ST 3
S/he’s right. Let’s go back to SUNNY’S and get some more froyo
ST 1
No, wait!
ST 2
Yeah, let’s go back. (They all exit right, ST 1 reluctantly)
63.
ACT II
Scene 16 - NEPTUNE (NOT EASY TO SEE)
SETTING: The stage is empty.
AT RISE: A commotion is heard off stage.
DELANEY, now disheveled, appears from a side entrance rather than from the stage. She randomly runs through the audience yelling, clearly lost, obsessed, mumbling about seeing the last planet. She asks the audience for help finding NEPTUNE who has now entered stage left. In the seventeen second musical introduction, DELANEY sees NEPTUNE and is overcome with emotion. Afterall, NEPTUNE is a beautiful planet.
Exactly what DELANEY says upon seeing NEPTUNE could be based on how the song ending is played out, but the emphasis is that DELANEY finds that seeing the eighth planet was far more than just a sighting. As NEPTUNE sings and moves towards center stage, DELANEY moves very slowly towards the stage, transfixed.
DELANEY tries but is unable to climb up on stage and falls off, hitting her head. She goes around and enters stage right towards the end of the song at “twelve years my way”. Amazed by the planet, DELANEY moves towards NEPTUNE slowly, the planet unaware. They encounter each other after the last word of the song.
NEPTUNE (NOT EASY TO SEE) (to the tune Superman(Not Easy))
I KNOW I’M NO MARS
NO WAY I’M THAT NEAR
MAN WILL NEVER FLY
HALF A THOUSANDTH ‘A LIGHT YEAR
I’M SO FAR AWAY BUT OH IF YOU KNEW
METHANE MAKES ME SUCH A PRETTY SHADE OF BLUE
BUT IT’S NOT EASY TO SEE ME
I WISH I WASN’T FAR
AND YOU WERE CLOSE TO ME
THEN YOU WOULDN’T NEED
A TELESCOPE TO SEE
THAT I HAVE GOT RINGS AND ONCE A DARK SPOT
OH BUT SATURN AND JUPITER I’M NOT
I’VE GOT A LARGE MOON I CALL IT TRITON
64.
NEPTUNE (cont.)
THOUGH IT’S NOT AS LARGE AS YOUR ONLY ONE
OH HOW I WISH YOU COULD SEE ME
I’M SO FAR AWAY AND MOVE SO SLOW
THAT DID YOU KNOW IT’S A HUNDRED SIXTY-FIVE YEARS TO GO
AROUND THE SUN
JUST ONE TIME
I’M GOD OF THE SEA
IN ROMAN MYTHOLOGY
YET SPEEDING CLOUDS ARE MY POWER
AT A THOUSAND MILES AN HOUR
I HAVE EIGHTEEN MOONS, SIXTEEN HOUR DAY
BUT WHAT’S THE ONLY THING THEY EVER SAY
THAT FOR TWENTY YEARS, UNTIL NINETY-NINE
PLUTO’S ORBIT SLIPPED INSIDE OF MINE
THAT MADE ME NINE
NOW BACK AT EIGHT
BUT IT’S TOO LATE
POOR PLUTO’S FATEI’M FURTHEST AWAY
BUT MAYBE SOMEDAY
YOU’LL TRAVEL TWELVE YEARS MY WAY
I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU SINCE VOYAGER 2
I KNOW IT’S...HARD...TO...DO
PLEASE
COME VISIT
ME
(DELANEY now: -approaches NEPTUNE or-touches NEPTUNE’s right shoulder or -they embrace)
BLACKOUT
65.
ACT II
Scene 13 - LINEUP
SETTING: The stage is empty
AT RISE: The planets except for MR. and MRS. EARTH enter left and
line up randomly to take a bow. SUNNY comes out for a bow,
looks back to acknowledge planets—and is aghast to find them
out of order. Frantically arranges them in proper order, asks for
more applause and steps aside. Then SUNNY counts the planets
and realizes one is missing. Very upset, SUNNY goes backstage
to find it.
Planet line opens up so that MR. and MRS. EARTH can take their proper place.
Satellites come out for a bow. Three of them run into audience to find a willing member to bring up on stage. The fourth grabs the PLUTO poster and gives to the volunteer who proudly displays it and takes the place next to NEPTUNE. ALEX comes out right and goes to congratulate PLUTO. He whispers instructions to the volunteer and then they yell “PLUTO IS A PLANET!” ALEX then goes to MR. and MRS. EARTH for hugs and takes the place between them.
BRYCE comes out right for a bow and takes place between MARS and JUPITER
CHLOE and DELANEY come out together right for a bow and take place betweenNEPTUNE and URANUS
CURTAIN
66.
QUESTIONS, DISCUSSIONS, ACTIVITIES
Where does the word planet come from?
Make a plan for a scale model of the solar system for both distance and planet size. Can you see it without a telescope or microscope? Why not?
SUNNY rhymes about the yogurt shop but is also describing the science of the Sun. What is the simplified solar fusion reaction and how does SUNNY relate that to the students in eight steps?
SUNNY is always working. What word in physics is equivalent to work?
Why is half the work unseen?
What is an order of magnitude?
Who does the man behind the curtain refer to? Do you agree that SUNNY is not like him?
What is perihelion precession?
What is Mercury’s precession famous for?
Could there really be a place on Mercury that is the perfect temperature for humans? Write a short story about a group of people who attempt to live in such a place and what they might need to do to stay in that habitable zone.
What is the difference between a solar and sidereal day?
Make a model or poster to show how they differ on Venus.
What is the greenhouse gas effect?
What is the carbon dioxide level on Venus compared to Earth?
Describe the phases of the Moon and how they are portrayed in Living Room Scene and Twilight Talk.
What is the “youngest” Moon(hours after new moon) that has ever been sighted with the naked eye?
67.
What do you think of a manned mission to Mars?
What are the main obstacles to a manned Mars colony?
What is terraforming?
What are the two factors that determine the surface gravity of a planet?
Based on the information in More Real, what is the surface gravity on Mars compared to Earth?
Give the background of the ten cultural references to Mars in More Real (nine are easy to find, the tenth one is tougher).
What is a gravitational slingshot and how does it work?
What was the significance of Galileo’s sighting of Jupiter’s four moons?
Describe the route Cassini took to Saturn.
Prepare a report on the Dragonfly mission.
How could diamonds possibly be so common on Uranus?
What is an astronomical unit?
Describe the Voyager 1 and 2 space probe missions.
Would a beam of light really take “half a thousandth ‘a light year” to get from Earth to Neptune?
Should Pluto be a planet? To make a truly informed decision, first read: How I Killed Pluto and Why It Had It Coming by Mike Brown and Chasing New Horizons by Alan Stern and David Grinspoon
68.
COMBINATIONS AND PERMUTATIONS
Do you relate to any of the characters in WANDER? Perhaps you see yourself as a mixture of a few of them. How many different ways could you combine two or three of the characters? You can’t choose MR. or MRS. EARTH and you certainly can’t be SUNNY.
So there are seven planets remaining (let’s call MERCURY “Y”, and MARS “Z” and then there’s V,J,S,U and N) and the four students A,B,C and D for a total of eleven. If you were to consider a person who takes after three of the eleven, how many unique individuals could you make? If you imagine instead there were ten choices you might think that would be like saying how many different numbers can you make by choosing three numbers. The answer is one thousand, that is, 000 to 999, or 10x10x10. But that involves many instances of repeating the same number and we must have three different numbers if we are to apply that to our fictional character.
Going back to ten numbers, after choosing the first digit there are only nine choices for the second and eight for the third so that gives 10x9x8=720 that can be made without repeating a digit. But that’s still too many. To see why, think about making a pizza by choosing three different toppings. Is there any difference between pepperoni, sausage and mushroom(my favorite) and sausage, mushroom, and pepperoni? Of course not, it doesn’t matter what order the toppings were put on. Likewise 538 and 385 are unique numbers but from a pizza—or personality—standpoint, they are identical. So instead of counting how many permutations we can make, in which the order is important, we want to calculate how many combinations we can make. The order doesn’t matter when making combinations.
In order to make this calculation we must use the factorial function, which is designated by an exclamation point! Since we are picking three characters, we want to know how many different ways we can arrange three items. That would be 3! or 3x2x1=6. (such as A,B,C; A,C,B; B,A,C; B,C,A; C,A,B; C,B,A)
69.
Again looking at the 720 permutations of three numbers without repeating, we realize that there are six different ways of arranging any three numbers so we end up with 720/6=120 different combinations. And with pizzas and people it’s combinations that count.
So now let’s answer the original question picking three of the eleven characters available. There are eleven choices for the first, ten for the second and nine for the third and 11x10x9=990. Since order doesn’t matter we have to divide by the six different ways of listing three items and 990/6=165. Thus we can create 165 unique individuals by picking three of the eleven characters.
But perhaps you see yourself perfectly portrayed by just two characters. How many unique people can we make from eleven choosing two? Using the same approach, there are eleven choices for the first and ten for the second and 11x10=110. There are two ways of ordering two items and since order doesn’t matter we divide 110 by 2 to get 55. Of course if you were to pick just one character there are eleven possibilities.
To sum things up, there are 11+55+165=231 possible personalities obtainable by picking either one, two or three of the eleven characters.
By convention (meaning I just decided it), letters are listed alphabetically. Maybe you can find yourself among the 231.
Rob (ADU)
If you’ve actually read through this whole explanation, perhaps you can find someone who’s lively, loving and lonely. NSY anyone?
70.
FAIR USE
Five of the planets sing songs that are parodies of hit songs from the past. While the lyrics have been completely changed, the melody, rhyme scheme and theme of the original is copied. Is this allowed without permission of the authors?
The original songs have all been copyrighted and are protected by the Copyright Act, however a section(#107) of the act allows for the fair use of the material without permission. There are no hard and fast rules to decide whether this fair use doctrine would be allowed as each situation is judged on the benefit of the new work to society balanced against the rights of the copyright owners. There are however very clear guidelines as to how to evaluate these competing claims.
A parody of a song, like those in WANDER, brings up the original work by imitating some aspect of it, often for humorous intent. While parodies are generally allowed under the fair use doctrine, more intense examination is required to see if the new work truly qualifies. This is done by evaluating four factors in each case. While there has been a great deal written, and many cases decided based on these, they remain merely guidelines with no formula available to predict the outcome. Let’s look at these four factors and how they relate to WANDER.
1)The purpose of the new work, which in this case is educational and non commercial, is viewed very favorably.
2)The nature of the copyrighted work, which as songs are highly creative makes fair use less likely.
3)The amount of the copyrighted work used, in this case the entire melody works against fair use but does not by itself mean that fair use is denied.
4)The effect of the use upon the potential market, in this case is negligible as no one would ever see the parody as a replacement for purchasing the original.
71.
A final analysis requires going back to number 1 and asking whether the new work is transformative or merely supersedes (takes the place of) the original. This was a key factor in the 1994 Supreme Court 9-0 decision that allowed 2 Live Crew to record their version of the Roy Orbison hit Pretty Woman. Justice Souter wrote: “the more transformative the new work, the less will be the significance of other factors...that may weigh against a finding of fair use”
Transform means to change. Do the songs in WANDER bring up the original yet add new meaning? Absolutely. In each case, the main theme of the original, brought to mind by the melody(or course the point is to use the whole song) is maintained yet by changing the perspective from a person (or superhero) to a giant sphere of rock, gas or ice, the message is completely altered—for educational purpose. This is the heart of parody.
Consider the five songs:
ORIGINAL - Marrakesh Express by Graham Nash, 1969. A fast paced song about a train “traveling through clear Moroccan skies”, Nash describes what he sees.
WANDER - Mercury Express is a fast planet speeding around the Sun as it describes itself.
Coincidentally, the song before this one on the album is: Suite:Judy Blue Eyes, which is about...
Judy Collins...sings Stephen Sondheim’s 1973 Send in the Clowns about a seemingly well matched couple but bad timing prevents them from being together.
WANDER - Too Many Clouds is about two planets so similar and near to each other but clouds prevent visits.
ORIGINAL - Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top, 1983 Dusty Hill of ZZ Top says “It’s all in your head. If you feel sharp you be sharp.
WANDER - One Big Planet Jupiter believes it’s the planet with the mostest.
72.
ORIGINAL - You’re Only Human(Second Wind), 1985 Billy Joel encourages depressed teens to work past difficulties and wait for things to improve.
WANDER - Not A Human(Second Sound) An unremarkable planet with a funny name asks visitors to look a little deeper to find value.
ORIGINAL - Superman(Not Easy) by Five for Fighting, 2001 Just because you’re a superhero doesn’t mean life is easy.
WANDER - Neptune(Not Easy To See) Just because you’re a big beautiful planet doesn’t mean you can be seen and appreciated.
The most well known parodist, “Weird Al” Yankovic, does get permission to perform his work but it is widely felt that he is not required to do this. If his work, which is commercial and hardly educational, qualifies as fair use, there is no question that the songs of WANDER are fair use as well.